11 Questions to Take Stock of Your Emotional Well-Being

This self-guided check-in will help you take stock of your emotional well-being — and learn how to make changes.

We know we should get a physical exam every year; we have annual reviews at work; some couples even do periodic relationship audits. And yet many of us don’t regularly check in with our emotional health — though it is arguably the most important contributor to overall well-being.

The New York Times talked to experts in clinical psychology, positive psychology, flourishing, thriving, resilience and burnout about what contributes to a sense of well-being and how to evaluate it. Then we came up with a series of questions adapted from these conversations, as well as from prompts in four common psychological assessments.

This self-guided exercise won’t give you a “wellness score” or ranking, and it shouldn’t be used as a diagnostic tool or a substitute for professional help. Instead, these types of questions are meant to get you thinking about different aspects of your life and mental health, and help you identify what’s working and where you might make adjustments, said Tyler VanderWeele, the director of the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University.

While some aspects of well-being are out of our control, many are within it. And the first step toward improving something is to assess it.

Take some quiet time to contemplate the following questions, then read about how each one relates to well-being. You may want to grab a pen and paper to jot down your thoughts.

1. MOOD

How would you describe your mood most days?

Is it generally positive, generally negative or a mix?
Do you tend to feel more positive or negative emotions throughout the day?

(Think joy, love or awe versus anger, sadness or anxiety.)

Why these questions matter?

To gauge how someone is doing, sometimes the simplest question — “How happy are you?” — is the best one, said Rong Su, an associate professor of management and entrepreneurship at Tippie College of Business at the University of Iowa. Dr. Su helped develop the Comprehensive Inventory of Thriving, one of the assessments these questions are based on.

If a person mostly feels happy or experiences positive emotions more often than negative ones, that’s a sign of greater overall well-being.

Of course, we all experience a range of emotions — that’s part of being human. “The message isn’t to get rid of all our negative emotions,” said Laurie Santos, a professor of psychology at Yale University and the host of The Happiness Lab podcast. “Our negative emotions are important signals.”

But if your mood generally leans more negative, there are ways to shift into a more positive state of mind. Martin Seligman, the director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, recommends an easy ritual: Every evening for one week, write down three things that went well that day, and why. The goal is to train your attention away from the bad things in life, which many people ruminate about, and focus on the good things.

2. SELF TALK

Is your inner monologue more self-critical or self-compassionate?

When trying something new, do you think you’re going to succeed, or are you sure you’re going to fail?
If you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up afterward, or do you give yourself the benefit of the doubt?

Why these questions matter?

“Our thought patterns really affect our emotions and our well-being a lot,” Dr. Santos said.

Lynn Bufka, a clinical psychologist and a spokeswoman for the American Psychological Association, added that if your inner monologue tells you, “‘You always screw things up. I can’t believe you did that,’ you’re never going to be in a position to then challenge that and have a more helpful, accurate sense of who you are and what you’re capable of.”

With some practice, you can change your inner dialogue. To do this, try talking to yourself as you would a friend. To boost your self-confidence, remind yourself of moments when you’ve succeeded. When you’re struggling or have made a mistake, acknowledge it, but be gentle with yourself. Research shows that self compassion is associated with greater well-being and lower levels of depression and anxiety.

3. PHYSICAL HEALTH

How is your physical health, generally?

How often do you sleep for seven to nine hours a night?
How much physical activity do you do each week?

Why these questions matter?

Physical health and mental health are inextricably linked, and there’s extensive research on how sleep and exercise, in particular, affect our mood. “Those are the kinds of things that actually matter a lot for our happiness,” Dr. Santos said.

Not getting enough sleep for just a night or two can leave you feeling irritable and anxious. More extreme sleep deprivation can lead to feelings of depression, loneliness and isolation. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that adults get at least seven hours a night, but it estimates that about a third of Americans regularly don’t achieve that.

As for exercise, studies consistently show that it can improve mood. Some research even suggests that it is as effective as medication in treating depression. The C.D.C. advises 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise, plus two days of strength training, each week.

4. RELATIONSHIPS

Do you feel like you have strong relationships with family, friends, neighbors or co-workers?

How often do you see people socially every week?
Do you have someone you could call in an emergency?

Why these questions matter?

“There has been a ton of research that links the quantity and, more importantly, the quality of someone’s social relationships and social support” to well-being, Dr. Su said.

For example, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on human happiness, encompassing more than 1,300 people over a span of 86 years, found that social ties were the biggest predictor of a happy life.

Relationships are so important to our mental (and physical) health that last year, the United States surgeon general, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, issued an advisory about the harms of loneliness and isolation.

The tips Dr. Murthy gave to help foster and strengthen relationships are simple but powerful: Make spending time with friends and family a priority; give people your full attention (put down your phone); and offer your time to your community, whether that’s by volunteering for an organization or helping a friend in need.

5. MEANING AND PURPOSE

Are there things in your life that give you a sense of meaning or purpose?
(This could be through work, volunteering, hobbies, a religious community or caring for others.)

Do you have a sense of responsibility to something or someone other than yourself?
Do you feel that your contributions matter?

Why these questions matter?

There’s a large body of research that shows “the more meaning you have in life, the happier you are, the more productive you are, the higher your life satisfaction,” Dr. Seligman said.

Meaning and purpose can also act as a buffer against the more challenging aspects of life. Having a sense of meaning contributes to a person’s resilience and their ability “to withstand stress when it’s excessive,” said Michael Ungar, the director of the Resilience Research Center at Dalhousie University in Canada.

If you’re struggling to come up with where you derive meaning and purpose, Dr. Bufka advised thinking about what your values are, or how you might like to be remembered.

“Sometimes, the things we are already doing are meaningful, but we don’t always describe them that way,” she said. “We might think of them as responsibilities or ‘must-dos,’ when the reality is, we can think of them as things we choose to do because they align with our values.”

Do you feel like there are things in your life that you’re good at?

Are there parts of your life that give you a sense of accomplishment?
Do you feel like you are generally a capable person?

People need to feel like “they have some mastery over the day-to-day demands of their life,” Dr. Bufka said. And, she added, if someone initially fails when taking on a new challenge, learning from — and ultimately mastering — that challenge can lead to a sense of accomplishment.

Believing that you’re capable is partly about boosting your self-confidence, but it’s also about using your talents “so that others see us for what we can contribute in value,” Dr. Ungar said.

In a professional setting, not feeling competent can be a sign of burnout, said Christina Maslach, a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, and an expert on burnout. “There’s a sense in which you’re beginning to question whether you’re doing a good job” or whether you’re capable, she said. And when you have negative feelings about your work, you may begin to feel badly about yourself.

How often do you feel completely absorbed in what you’re doing?

Do you ever lose track of time while you’re working or doing a hobby?
Do you look forward to participating in those activities?

The late psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi thought that the secret to happiness was “flow.” He developed the theory after speaking with artists and scientists who reported that the experience of being completely immersed in their work filled them with feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.

The key to achieving a state of flow is working on a task that is interesting and meaningful to you, challenging enough to keep you engaged but not so hard that you get frustrated, and where you have a clear sense of what the goals and correct steps are so that you can assess how you’re doing as you go. In addition to work, hobbies like gardening or playing an instrument can tap into this feeling.

Flow — or engagement, as Dr. Seligman calls it — is one of the five pillars of his theory of positive psychology, and it is also included in Dr. Su’s thriving inventory.

Do you feel like you are generally in control of your life?

Do you feel like you have autonomy and agency, at work and at home?
Do you make the major decisions about your life, or does someone else?

Sometimes, when your life doesn’t seem to be going well, it’s because things feel out of your control, Dr. Su said. Maybe you don’t have control of your time or just generally feel overwhelmed. Or you might feel like you don’t have control over your finances and are not able to do or buy the things you need.

In a work setting, feeling like you don’t have autonomy is a key contributor to burnout, Dr. Maslach said. People “just have to do what they’re told, they can’t improvise, they can’t make things better, especially when something unexpected happens.”

In short, having “some direction and control over what’s happening, some capacity to be autonomous,” contributes to our overall well-being, Dr. Bufka said.

Do you have enough financial resources to support yourself and your family?

Do you ever have to worry about necessities, like food or housing?
Do you have the resources and support you need to do your job well?

Why these questions matter?

Positive psychology research often focuses on a person’s internal state, but several experts said that your external environment is just as important.

The flourishing scale asks about people’s financial and material stability because meeting your basic needs makes other aspects of well-being more attainable, Dr. VanderWeele said. It is still possible to thrive without sufficient resources, he added, but people’s “material circumstances” can make it easier or harder.

When Dr. Ungar talks about resilience, he emphasizes “being both rugged and resourced.” A person’s capacity to thrive or withstand stress doesn’t just lie within themselves, he said: It is also tied up with having the means and opportunities to do so. As a result, Dr. Ungar takes issue when talk about resilience is focused too much on individual responsibility.

Do you feel like the world is generally a fair place?

Are there systems that stymie you?
Do you feel like you have as many opportunities as the next person?

Why these questions matter?

On a micro level, fairness, or the lack thereof, can influence our daily lives. For example, fairness comes up when Dr. Maslach talks about diminished well-being at work. “When people feel that they’re being treated unfairly, when the wrong people, in a sense, are getting rewarded rather than the ones who deserve it,” that can lead to burnout, she said.

On a macro level, fair treatment by larger systems greatly influences our ability to thrive. In an unfair system, it is still possible to flourish in parts of your life (like in your relationships or physical health), but it can be harder.

“You really do need to have an environment that is somewhat just and rewards you for your exertion, for your efforts,” Dr. Ungar said. “And that,” he added, “involves, of course, fair treatment or social justice.”

Generally speaking, how satisfied are you with your life?

Have you achieved, or are you on the path to achieve, most of the important things you wanted?
Are there major aspects of your life that you would change?

Why these questions matter?

According to the experts, these final questions are in some ways the most fundamental — and the most illuminating — way to evaluate how your life is going as a whole.

Asking about a person’s general life satisfaction “is probably the most widely used well-being question in the literature,” Dr. VanderWeele said. It’s pretty open-ended, he added, and it gets people to reflect on their lives.

If, after moving through these questions, you feel like things in your life aren’t going as well as you want them to, consider reaching out to a professional. Try talking to your primary care provider about your mental health, or search for a local therapist or psychiatrist on the Psychology Today and American Psychiatric Association websites.

Reference: Posted in The New York TImes (2024), Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/02/28/well/mind/mental-health-wellbeing-check-in.html (Accessed: 24 March, 2024)