Dear friends,
My sister told me I had to do a major attitude adjustment regarding our brother and his increasing/progressive cognitive decline. That is a tough suggestion for me to act on. I suspect many of you reading this are like me: we’ve spent our lives solving problems. When things go wrong, we look for answers, develop a plan, and take action.
I think there is a special kind of heartbreak that comes with watching someone we love slowly lose the abilities, memories, and independence that once defined their lives. I find myself in an unfamiliar place – trying to hold on to the person I’ve always known while learning to love the person who is changing before my eyes.
My sister reminds me that cognitive decline can affect memory, judgment, communication and the ability to interpret situations. What appears to be stubbornness (my brother refuses suggestions from me on a variety of topics!) may actually be confusion, fear, discomfort or an attempt to preserve independence.
My sister’s advice to let go is especially difficult. She reminds me that my brother may be experiencing a reality different from mine. She advises that I look for opportunities for connection and to honor and appreciate where he is now and not where I want him to be. She gave me a practical suggestion. Instead of asking, “How can I make things go back to the way they were?’, I ask instead, “How can I make today a little better for both of us?”
While I sense the journey ahead of us will be challenging, I am grateful to my older sister who keeps me grounded. I am also grateful to my amazing care network for the support and active help they give me. If you find yourself in a situation similar to mine, please reach out. I’ve learned that having the support of family and friends can make a world of difference in coping with tough situations.
Best,
Cora
